He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
