i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
