I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize
