This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
