Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
