Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
