So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I have fence marks all over my body
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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