my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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