i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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