Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
