Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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