I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
