I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Ketchup is God's man juice
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
