Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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