im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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