Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
