brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
