and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
