Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
