u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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