Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
