it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
