once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
