After last night, I could never be a politician.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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