He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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