she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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