id be glad to
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
