Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
