apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
You can't motorboat a personality
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
