that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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