Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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