trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
