Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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