Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
