Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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