You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
