i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
