i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
