Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize
