she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
