She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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