i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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