the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
