I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
