How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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