dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
