Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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