i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
