I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
where are my eyebrows?
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