so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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