is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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